I woke up this morning to my computer not working. It’s not been in great shape these past few months, and has occasionally tossed a surprise my way. It’s several years old, and I’ve put it through plenty of hell with all my traveling (and general clumsiness). I’d already been investigating new options, and weighing the pros and cons. I knew its time was drawing near.
I have a lot of work on my plate right now, and a lot of it’s time sensitive. And chief thing on my mind is the Nat’l Sex Ed Conference next week, for which I’m excited to be one of the keynotes. I have a few pressing collaborations, plenty of more people who I’ve promised e-love to, and some big personal projects that are underway. Objectively, it’s not an ideal time for my computer to bail on me. But subjectively, I’m excited for a few days without my computer, amidst a few of the days this year I most crushingly want to feel like I _need _it.
This isn’t me finding the good in bad, or looking on the bright side, or making lemonade, or any of that hokum. I’m not jazzercising away the rage, or suffocating the feelings of “why me why now?” away with cheese. This isn’t some alternative reality I’m drafting to allow myself to enjoy my weekend.
This is good. It’s experiencing the brightness of that good. It’s the world handing me lemonade and me drinking it. There is no rage to jazzercize away, and no feelings of “why me why now?” for me to suffocate (though, don’t get me wrong, there still may be some cheese in the forecast). This is reality — the only reality. And in facing this reality, I could choose to be any of those things, but instead I’m choosing to have a wonderful weekend.
I haven’t had a weekend without my laptop since laptops were invented. I’m grateful to my roommate for lending me his computer to draft this thought, which allows me to keep up this unbroken chain. But I’m also grateful that my laptop broke — for I had a laptop to begin with, woke up this morning and was able to experience it being broken. And when my new laptop gets here next week, I’ll be grateful for that.
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I was feeling incredibly grateful today, all day, huddled up in my blanket cocoon on my couch enjoying a quiet day, watching new TED Talks. The talk below came on, and (as has so serendipitously happened many times since I started this project) it fit perfectly into what I was thinking today. So here ya go. This is why I’m happy that my computer is broken.